The funniest football tweets of the week, featuring the mystery of what Dominic Calvert-Lewin uses for shin pads, what biscuit best represents your football club, Pro Evolution Soccer, and the James siblings.

Ah, so that’s what he’s got in there.

For anyone wondering… this is what I use for my shinnys 👍🏽 pic.twitter.com/veDgHvwH6S

— Dominic Calvert-Lewin (@CalvertLewin14) March 26, 2021

Speaking of biscuits, here’s the most scientific thing you’ll read all week.

Premier League clubs as biscuits, a thread:

— Adam (@ThreeFiveWho) March 22, 2021

CHELSEA – Maryland chocolate chip
Ushered in a new wave of biscuits to the UK. Popularised foreign-owned brands with their new flavours, & is probably to blame for Brexit. Objectively, they’re a nice tasting biscuit, & go pretty well with a brew. Morally though, you feel dirty.

— Adam (@ThreeFiveWho) March 22, 2021

We need Pro Evo graphics for everything, to be honest.

Not the most important thing happening in the world right now, but this bag of coffee has a Pro Evolution Soccer player profile graph. pic.twitter.com/PoE2cTmkQH

— David Squires (@squires_david) March 22, 2021

Back down to Earth: The worst ever Premier League title defences by points difference

England won 5-0 on Thursday but we all know the real winner.

FT: We may have lost, but two years ago our nation had 66 points more than England had in the Eurovision 2019, so now we’re even. #engSMR

— San Marino fan account (@SanMarino_FA) March 25, 2021

Looking forward to the big day.

Cant wait to walk down the aisle 🤞 pic.twitter.com/4KOH09BHI4

— NP19🤛 (@SulyV9) March 22, 2021

Iconic Performances: The night Zinedine Zidane dominated Brazil

Ray Parlour should be your compass in life.

Clocks go forward next weekend which basically means… pic.twitter.com/T1tOMaFOzO

— Kirk (@ConnorJobson18) March 21, 2021

The struggle is real.

pic.twitter.com/Imivj2M4Qw

— Matthew Stanger (@MatthewStanger) March 26, 2021

Golazo Merchants: The silky skilled assassin, Dimitar Berbatov

The James Family is taking over.

Chelsea star Reece and Man Utd’s Lauren James become first brother and sister to play for England and are ‘living dream’ pic.twitter.com/1mMVl5Ol3u

— Frank Khalid (@FrankKhalidUK) March 26, 2021

Celebrate every goal like you’ve just won the World Cup.

Carlos Vinicius after putting one past his disabled uncle at the family BBQ pic.twitter.com/KA6yjQ4xCI

— AJ (@KZN22_) March 21, 2021

Now or never? Is it time for Harry Kane to leave Tottenham?

Kevin De Bruyne is a great footballer. Unless you’re from Wales. Then he’s a pest.

Ooh look at me I’m Kevin De Bruyne I can score good goals. Grow up. Pathetic.

— Aled James (@AledJames) March 24, 2021

No statistic could better show the disparity in quality between two teams.

Bayern Munich scored 116 goals in the time between Ireland scored their first and second goals under Stephen Kenny.

— Richard Jolly (@RichJolly) March 24, 2021

Five of the best Serie A strikers of the 90s

What a photo.

Stanley Matthews in the Accra Hearts of Oak jersey, from Ghana, for which he played at a few friendly matches during 1957. On the photo you can also see the goalkeeper Lamptey Mills and the club's physiotherapist pic.twitter.com/dCNuATJGoa

— FootballTime&Nations (@FCTimeNations) March 26, 2021

The Over-40’s Club: English football’s greatest quadragenarians

Sometimes football just sucks.

The National League have outdone themselves. Fining clubs up to £8k and suspended points deduction for failure to fulfil fixtures… in a season which has been declared null and void.

The league is run by the very, very worst of people in football. An utter shambles.

— Aaron Flanagan (@aaronflan) March 26, 2021

And sometimes it gets things right.

The Norwegian national team players taking a stand against the human rights breaches in Qatar, which was announced by Martin Ødegaard and Ståle Solbakken prior to the game.

"HUMAN RIGHTS – On and off the pitch" pic.twitter.com/DPZ6F8omfi

— Jonas Giæver (@CheGiaevara) March 24, 2021

How Newcastle United went from Keegan’s Entertainers to Dalglish’s Dad’s Army

Great matchups, terrible time slots.

‘why does nobody watch women’s football’ idk lads maybe because you schedule an elite European quarterfinal for 11:30 ON A WEDNESDAY pic.twitter.com/kILhozfv3X

— steph (@saturrrday) March 23, 2021

And lastly, a message from Fred.

Social media comments filled with hate and, above all, racism: we cannot feed that culture. We cannot aceppt it. We have to fight it always. We are bigger and better than that. Enough! pic.twitter.com/bR2ibDms6k

— Fred Rodrigues (@Fred08oficial) March 22, 2021

Read: Farewell, Frank Worthington: A footballing crooner who entertained the masses