The funniest football tweets of the week, featuring English football managers reimagined as your local pub regular, Cristiano Ronaldo’s exit from the Champions League, Piers Morgan’s meltdown over Meghan Markle, Roy Keane meets Oprah, and Nat Phillips’ heading heroics.
Ever wondered what it would be like to go to the same pub as a football manager? Wonder no more:
English Managers as pub regulars:
Scott Parker – after work drinker
Gakked up city boy. Only stopped off for one but 4 pints in and he's putting an order in and seeing who fancies a club later on. Loyal to the mrs but weekends are for the boys
Drinks: Stella/ double rum & coke pic.twitter.com/FejP7f0jiG
— Eugene (@eugeneh84) March 12, 2021
Frank Lampard – Tory
Loudmouth who no one really likes but doesn't stop him chatting at them. Every story references how much it cost or asking you how much things cost. Has one joke he tells until the staff give him a pity laugh.
Drinks: Bottled Peroni pic.twitter.com/Yq6vszCCsS
— Eugene (@eugeneh84) March 12, 2021
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Missing football so much I have turned my front room into Everton away pic.twitter.com/ALeKPPz3Qc
— PeterCFC ⭐️⭐️ (@PQCFC) March 12, 2021
Why Zaha is no longer taking the knee – and why it’s important
That cheeky Pep Guardiola buttered Scott Parker up nice and good before stuffing him at the weekend.
Pep Guardiola on style comparisons with Scott Parker: "He is younger. He has hair. He is better than me. I accept a draw."
— Simon Stone (@sistoney67) March 12, 2021
Liverpool overcame RB Leipzig in the Champions League, but they’ll have to deal with more German opposition later in the competition.
Revenge awaits pic.twitter.com/voVFGXyjQV
— Wolffe (@BayernWolffe) March 11, 2021
The Champions League records that have come tumbling down in 2020/21
They should manage just fine with Nat Phillips’ noggin batting everything away.
Nat Phillips pic.twitter.com/IsRREYAkAJ
— GS (@51N900) March 10, 2021
Schadenfreude levels were dangerously high in midweek when Juventus were unceremoniously eliminated by FC Porto.
Juventus knocked out of the Champions League in successive seasons by Ajax, Lyon and Porto. Three clubs not deemed "glamorous" enough for the European Super League by Juve chairman Andrea Agnelli. You absolutely love to see it.
— Colin Millar (@Millar_Colin) March 9, 2021
Player Analysis: Can Callum Hudson-Odoi become a generational talent?
At least Cristiano Ronaldo put in a top-class performance by the important metrics.
No player shouted "VAMOS" (9) and Clapped their hands (11) more than Ronaldo today. Immense impact. What a leader ???? pic.twitter.com/8kPW5Bv5Xz
— ???????????????????????????? (@KieranCFC88) March 9, 2021
What a wonderful transfer it has turned out to be.
Cristiano Ronaldo went to Juventus to become their hero and win the Champions League just to get humiliated by Porto, Lyon and Ajax. Legend.
— Rafael Hernández (@RafaelH117) March 9, 2021
The slow death of the selfish number 9: Why centre-forwards are going out of fashion
How you know there’s an absolutely perfect round of Europa League games.
Sign of a solid-gold Europa League night when half of the match-ups could have been Champions League last-16 ties in precisely 2009
— Adam Hurrey (@FootballCliches) March 11, 2021
Piers Morgan came after Meghan Markle this week, and lost.
— Oldfirmfacts (@Oldfirmfacts1) March 9, 2021
— Rory Bond (@Rory_Bond) March 9, 2021
I guess he couldn’t handle the heat.
‘And Liverpool are behind again at Anfield!’ pic.twitter.com/g1leKGQOQC
— Mick Moran (@Mick_Moran_) March 9, 2021
This is how bad Piers Morgan is.
https://twitter.com/Nigerianscamsss/status/1369281441612316675?s=20
Golazo Merchants: A man of flawless technique, David Beckham
This is the real interview we need to see.
You weren’t there Oprah. The facilities on the island were a disgraccccce. pic.twitter.com/f8izUsLa1h
— Irish Football Pics (@irish_pics) March 9, 2021
Childhood memories.
Going to assume there's a pink and green tennis ball stuck to the other side of this. pic.twitter.com/YQwUQsBMDT
— Jonny Sharples (@JonnyGabriel) March 12, 2021
90s Gold: The underappreciated brilliance of Aston Villa’s 1996 League Cup heroes
Lionel Messi has chosen his next destination after Barcelona.
???? What Leo Messi really voted pic.twitter.com/BwrulLbmR2
— Cádiz CF ???????? (@Cadiz_CFNG) March 9, 2021
If only.
If R9 had these knees we wouldn’t be having the ???? debates in football ???? https://t.co/XrrVOC8wkG
— Steve Arnott (@LaPiochey) March 8, 2021
We’ve all been there.
Literally exactly how I imagine myself when I’m coaching an Italian team in Championship Manager pic.twitter.com/3L4v7BEzOx
— Ben Machell (@ben_machell) March 11, 2021
Truly iconic innovation.
So many barriers to women playing football but now I really feel like I can pic.twitter.com/ULGS3xRaWO
— Katie Whyatt (@KatieWhyatt) March 9, 2021
Read: Adios Big Sam: Why the T-Rex of football dinosaurs has finally had his day
See Also: How an Italian cult hero became the Premier League’s youngest ever manager
