Who is the greatest scorer of golazos in the history of the Premier League?
Full disclosure here: we’re using a fairly narrow definition of what one might call a Golazo merchant. Generally speaking, a golazo simply refers to an amazing goal, which is quite a broad category.
Seeing as the Premier League has been littered with dozens and dozens of fabulous goalscorers, we could be here all day listing them out, banging our heads against a wall trying to pick one out of them all. So yeah, we’re not going to do that.
Instead, we’re looking specifically at players who were known for rattling the net with the ball at such velocity that it would earn a fine from a traffic cop. The kind of players who could really thwack a ball from distance at any given time, but still shocked you when they pulled it off. The ballers who could smack a round object into space like a rocket or volley it into the next millennium.
What we want are pure, unadulterated thunder bastards.
Five of the Premier League’s greatest ever golazo scorers:
Wayne Rooney
When you score a cracking goal in the dying moments of a game against literally one of the most unbeatable sides of the Premier League era to win the game as a 16-year-old, then you’re legacy is already guaranteed.
“Remember the name… @WayneRooney!” ????
From @EvertonAcademy to the @premierleague – #OTD in 2002. ???? pic.twitter.com/hwOVvVadPc
— Everton (@Everton) October 19, 2022
But Wayne Rooney didn’t stop there, scoring countless wonder goals for Everton, Manchester United and England over the next 15 years of his career.
Arguably his best golazo came against Newcastle United in 2005, when his volley hit the back of the net like a thunderbolt, sending Old Trafford into delirium. Incredibly he took the shot while suffering from a dead leg, and was about to be subbed off.
The Liverpudlian hit the ball as if it had insulted his mother and wore a grouchy expression on his face during his celebration of the goal, but he later admitted that he was annoyed at the time by the referee not calling fouls made by Alan Shearer. Be warned, opposition defenders: do not make Wayne Rooney angry.
“An astonishing moment from a true footballing genius!”#GoalOfTheDay is a volley for the ages from @WayneRooney… ???? pic.twitter.com/LfKqUPP3h0
— Premier League (@premierleague) September 29, 2016
Matthew Le Tissier
“Only Matthew Le Tissier can score goals like that” was such a common refrain during the nineties that Sky Sports could have just replayed the same bit of audio every Saturday when Southampton took to the field.
Just like Rooney against Newcastle, Le Tiss was about to be substituted before completing his most famous goal. You can even see Ian Branfoot tell the player about to come on to sit back down after the goal goes in.
How’s your touch?! @SouthamptonFC‘s very own Matt Le Tissier did this for fun back in the day. What was his best goal for Saints? pic.twitter.com/xIRgO69kjA
— Carling (@carling) October 5, 2016
There’s a reason he was referred to as ‘Le God’ down on the south coast, and it had nothing to do with an oath of celibacy. Although his ability on the ball was pure sex at times, his mercurial nature and maverick spirit were at odds with the established school of thought among many of English football’s gatekeepers.
His manager had benched him for the previous five games leading up to that fixture against the Magpies in 1993, citing the midfielder’s poor work rate as his reasoning. Branfoot was gone by January, while Le Tissier went on to become a club icon.
Recent years have seen quite the change in public persona for Le Tiss, however, with his metamorphosis into a conspiracy theorist having seen marginalised from the mainstream.
Patrik Berger
When the Czech attacking midfielder joined Liverpool, he said it was “the greatest day in my football life”. Injuries were an intermittent nuisance during his spell at the club in the late nineties and early noughties, but his pace and rocket of a left foot helped him to become a bit of a Merseyside cult hero.
Berger’s belter of a free kick at Old Trafford is particularly nice:
“It’s got the Liverpool fans roaring”
A very special free-kick finish from Patrik Berger ✨#GoalOfTheDay | @LFC pic.twitter.com/ReaKr3QkS4
— Premier League (@premierleague) October 24, 2021
Fun fact: Patrik Berger won international caps for both Czechoslovakia and the Czech Republic after the dissolution of the state in 1993. Eleven years later he scored this worldy for Portsmouth:
They don’t come much better than this from Patrik Berger…#GoalOfTheDay pic.twitter.com/7B2n0ReY9u
— Premier League (@premierleague) September 22, 2016
Laurent Robert
A winger and a set-piece specialist by trade, Laurent Robert was capable of hitting a target from distance with incredible power and accuracy, as illustrated by this spectacular goal against Spurs in 2003.
How about this for a hit from Laurent Robert ???? pic.twitter.com/RsXpXG4ATm
— Premier League (@premierleague) April 19, 2023
The Frenchman could pelt the football from any angle and it would still break the speed of light, rooting goalkeepers to their line as if time had stopped the moment he struck it. As the cliché goes, when he hit the ball it stayed hit.
Although Robert left Newcastle in a cloud of disgruntlement, he will always be remembered by the Geordie faithful for his exquisite free-kick technique, moments of exceptional skill and his penchant for hitting the net like a bullet.
Alan Shearer
“Shearaaahhhhhhhh!!!”
The Newcastle United legend may have scored a lot of penalties and a fair amount of close-range goals among his record-breaking tally of 260 in the Premier League, but on many an occasion, Alan Shearer also caused commentators to go hoarse in their reaction to one of his outstanding belters.
The former England international would never complete his childhood dream of lifting a trophy in the black and stripes of his local club, but he did bring them awfully close on a few occasions. In 1999 he powered them into an FA Cup final with an outrageous outswinging shot from the edge of the box against Spurs.
The Shearer Swerve ™️
You can try and save it, but you won’t ❌#EmiratesFACup pic.twitter.com/adCos6J8oo
— Emirates FA Cup (@EmiratesFACup) April 13, 2023
Tony Yeboah
What do you think of when you think of Tony Yeboah? It’s ridiculous strikes like this one against Liverpool in 1995:
???? Premier League
└???? #PLMoments
└???? Goals that make you go ????????????
└ *That* Tony Yeboah wonder strike pic.twitter.com/izE94TJW4y— Premier League (@premierleague) November 12, 2016
It is quite possibly one of the most stunning shots we have ever seen or will ever see in the Premier League, but remarkably it wasn’t a once-off for the Ghanaian, who specialised in thunderous long-range efforts. It’s not even the only time he’s hit a shot just like the one against the Reds for Leeds United, with his mind-bending finish against Wimbledon in the same year proving it wasn’t a fluke.
It was Yeboah’s goal against Liverpool that won the goal of the season award, however, which was the wrong decision in this writer’s opinion, but to be fair deciding between the two is almost unfair considering the quality of them. That finish against the Dons will surely never be topped in the Premier League though.
A Yeboah banger ????#GoalOfTheDay pic.twitter.com/ybCZgIADb9
— Premier League (@premierleague) January 11, 2022
Read – Golazo Merchants: Ghanaian powerhouse, Tony Yeboah
See more – Golazo Merchants: Newcastle’s frustrating genius Laurent Robert
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