Pedro’s Premier League Predictions

Tottenham Hotspur v Liverpool

Our beloved Premier League returns all guns blazing after the dreaded international break and what a way to kick the weekend off, with two of the top flights best teams doing battle in the early kick-off.

Both Mauricio Pochettino and Jurgen Klopp’s sides play some of the best high-intensity football not just in England but in Europe and these teams have played out some absolute crackers in recent times. Spurs have a habit of turning over their top six rivals at home – wherever that may be – under Poch, however the loss of captain Hugo Lloris and Dele Alli is a major blow for the North London outfit.

Liverpool, on the other hand, have no such issues and will be looking to avenge their 4-1 defeat at Wembley last season and maintain their 100% start to the season.

As per usual when the best game of the weekend kicks off before lunchtime, I’ll probably be falling up the road with a curry under my arm before it’s even dark out, and I expect the Scousers to be very much on top of their perch at the top of the table on 15 points at that stage of the evening.

Liverpool and over 2.5 goals 10/3

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AFC Bournemouth v Leicester City

Bournemouth tasted their first defeat of the season in their last outing against Chelsea, although they looked impressive during parts of that game and it really is hard to be anything but impressed with the job that little Choir Boy Eddie Howe has done on the South Coast.

Leicester have got off to a pretty solid start winning two of their opening four Premier League fixtures, with both their losses coming against Manchester United and Liverpool.

These are two really decent mid-table teams so this could well be a decent watch and I was tempted to hit the goal market, but then I remembered that Mr.Skitttles Vodka himself Jamie Vardy will be chomping at the bit after missing the last three games through suspension and I thought let’s plough my money into the little terrier to hit the onion bag at some stage.

Jamie Vardy score anytime 15/8

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Chelsea v Cardiff City

All is rosy at Stamford Bridge at the moment. Each passing day there seems to be a different Chelsea player coming out and praising their new manager Maurizio Sarri and telling everybody that they never really liked Antonio Conte anyway, but don’t be fooled Maurizio most of that Blues squad are flakier than a teenage girl and give it a few bad results and they’ll soon turn on you too.

Cardiff are however a big bag of steaming shite and have literally zero chance of staying in the Premier League this season. Neil Warnock does deserve massive kudos for being the only manager in the top-flight who still wears boots on the touchline, proper old school that.

Hazard first goal 13/5

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Huddersfield Town v Crystal Palace

Just when old Pedro was lumping David Wagner’s Huddersfield into the same category as the aforementioned Cardiff, the Terriers only went and got themselves an impressive point away at Everton last time out. If we are to see David Wagner’s magic hat in the Premier League next season it really is crucial that the German coach’s side make the John Smith’s something of a fortress.

Palace are without a shadow of a doubt the biggest example of a one-man team in the top-flight, as proved recently when they slipped to a 2-0 home defeat to Southampton all due to the unavailability of star man Wilf Zaha through injury. Palace have now not won a game without the Ivory Coast international since September 2016 and news that he remains a doubt for Saturday’s encounter will come as a hammer blow to Roy Hodgson – especially with Cristian Benteke looking about as useful as a fart in a jacuzzi.

Draw 21/10

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Manchester City v Fulham

Pep Guardiola’s reigning Champions haven’t exactly been at their free-flowing best during their last two outings, a draw against Wolves and a win over Newcastle. However, that could well bode badly for their visitors to the Etihad this weekend as Guardiola will undoubtedly have demanded an improvement in performance levels from his squad.

Slavisa Jokanovic’s Fulham have made a solid start to life in the Premier League and sit on four points after four games. All in all the Cottagers look a welcome addition to the top flight with the West Londoners playing some slick attacking football. I have a massive soft spot for Serbian striker Aleksandar Mitrovic as well, as I genuinely think he’s a certified madman who could well give us a controversial moment of Cantonaesque proportions that will go down in EPL folklore at some stage this season.

Over 2.5 goals and both teams to score 11/10

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Newcastle United v Arsenal

Rafa’s been getting a lot of stick for playing defensively, but for the love of god lads, he’s played Spurs, Chelsea and Man City in three of his opening four games and now he’s up against Arsenal next, so give the man a break will ya!

Arsenal have some decent talent, but are an absolute car crash at the back, with Unai Emery seemingly having done the impossible and made the Gunners even worse defensively then they were under Arsene Wenger. Robbie from AFTV really must be wiping his arse with crisp fifties at this stage.

Draw HT, Arsenal FT 4/1

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Watford v Manchester United

Javi Gracia and his all ex-con striker partnership of Andre Gray and Troy ‘The Equaliser,’ Deeney have been absolutely ripping it up so far this season, winning all four of their Premier League games so far, and the Hornets will rightly fancy their chances of pulling off a famous win over an out of sorts Manchester United on Saturday evening.

Man United fans must be wincing every time they open a paper these days with the headlines being constantly dominated by one of the ultimate shithead trifecta; Ed Woodward, Jose Mourinho or Paul Pogba.

Mind you, I wouldn’t trust most of the mainstream media if they told me tomorrow was Saturday, so even if we assume that at least half of the Old Trafford related stories you read are bollox, it still seems that things are a mess behind the scenes at English Football’s most successful club.

Lukaku to score anytime 13/10

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Wolverhampton Wanderers v Burnley

Two men who wouldn’t look far out of place on a catwalk in London or Paris collide at Molineaux this weekend and only time will tell whether Nuno Espirito Santo’s wonderfully crafted beard or Sean Dyche’s perfectly groomed ginger goatee come out on top.

With the amount of raw sexual chemistry these two will be bringing to the sideline on Saturday, two things are likely to happen; women will wistfully throw their knickers in the direction of the dugouts and there’ll be a few goals.

Both teams to score 11/10

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Everton v West Ham United

As regular readers of this column may have started to realise there is normally a Premier League manager each week who I complain about for having made a balls of my acca the previous weekend and forcing this 34-year-old man to eat like a student until payday. This week that honour goes to you Marco Silva, after your Toffees side spluttered to a 1-1 home draw against Huddersfield during the last round of games.

West Ham manager Manuel Pellegrini said today that he is not worried that his sides have no points after four Premier League games. The Hammers will face Chelsea, Manchester United and Spurs in three of their next four fixtures after their trip to Goodison Park, not worried Manuel? I’ll have whatever he’s smoking.

Having said that I do fancy the 64-year-old Chilean to pick up his first and perhaps only point as West Ham boss on Merseyside this weekend.

Draw 11/4

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